Revise my essay | English homework help

I write essay, score is very low, I need you to help me modify it, requirements I have uploaded, in addition, I upload my bad essay, it in the first file and inside the second file is the teacher give my opinion. The third file is an example of someone else. thank you！！！and pls do Extra Credit for me！！【Examples are for reference only. Don’t copy anything】

homework requirement：

         Writing Exercise #1: Structure, Segmentation, Description Assignment: Choosing to work on either You Are on Indian Land or Teach Our Children, provide a written description of the film’s composition and structure.  Do NOT write about both films.  See “Grading Rubric” below for clarification of expectations. Word Count: 450 (maximum 600) Due Date: May 10 Submission: Upload .doc or .pdf to Canvas (for digital timestamp) Submit 1 printout in class (to facilitate timely feedback and grading) Formatting: Double-spaced, 12-point font  Your full name should appear on every page (in case pages become separated) Print double-sided and staple in the top left corner Materials: You Are on Indian Land (36 mins) can be downloaded here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K8j_7tsFVTpZY_bN96nR0ubkROIpgeFJ Teach Our Children (36 mins) can be downloaded here: https://drive.google.com/open?id=1E3-2uVNzZzhBMABO4UPa4MOFOSV-_69s (a fully-captioned version will be available soon) Content Warning: Directed by two women filmmakers of color, Christine Choy and Susan Robeson, Teach Our Children is a blistering response to the 1971 Attica prison uprising and its brutal suppression. Please know that this film contains some brief images of murdered inmates. Moreover, its accounts of the dehumanizing treatment of Attica prisoners could be retraumatizing to survivors of violence and of racial violence in particular. Grading Rubric Assessment of submitted work will be based upon the following items: 1) Identification of Audio-Visual Components. (35 points) The author has discerningly identified the different types of material that make up the film’s visual and audio tracks.  For example: footage showing some specified event, footage describing a generalizable setting or circumstances, an onscreen interview, an audio recording of a speech, a recorded song or other piece of music, voice-over commentary, intertitles, still photographs, illustrations, hand-drawn animation, etc. The objective is to pick out the work’s principle audio-visual components and to classify them into meaningful categories based upon their form and content. 2) Account of Structural Design. (35 points)  2 The author has observantly outlined the film’s distinct narrative or thematic segments, attending to the order in which they occur. This aspect of the exercise can be thought of in terms of breaking the film down into a sequence of chapters, with each chapter revolving around an identifiable event and/or set of ideas. Hour of the Furnaces is an example of a film in which this kind of segmentation is made explicit through numbered intertitles. Similar, though unmarked, approaches to organizing filmic content can be found in You Are on Indian Land and Teach Our Children. The objective is to develop a summary of the film that brings to light some underlying framework and development of concepts. 3) Synthesis of Observations. (20 points) The author has thoughtfully brought their observations together in order to explain how each identified segment of the film (analysis 2) is composed of elements from one or more identified types of audiovisual material (analysis 1). 4) Quality of Description. (10 points) The author uses descriptive prose to effectively explain to the reader what they observe, characterizing features of the film in a manner that even someone who has never seen it can be reasonably expected to comprehend. For example, instead of just saying that segment two of the film shows a person talking, the author might specifically identify this material as, say, an onscreen interview with a participant in a particular demonstration, and briefly characterize the information that this interview offers the film audience. This level of description calls only for attentiveness and common-sense judgement. Extraordinary knowledge of the cinema or extensive outside research is not expected. At most, you might wish to do some quick Googling to get a better understanding an historical figure or event, or to find a song title. Extra Credit The following merits will not be treated as requirements, but assignments that display them will receive additional points that may offset any shortcomings in the areas noted above. 1) The author makes meaningful reference to montage concepts and cinematographic techniques that have been discussed in class. (+10 points) 2) The writing is vivid and compelling to read. (+10 points) 3) The assignment includes an opening or concluding paragraph that presents a succinct and penetrating interpretation of the film’s overall construction. (+20 points) 4) The author demonstrates exceptional enthusiasm, creativity and/or appetite for intellectual risk-taking. (+20 points)